Gas Lines and Empty Pumps pop up all over the Country!

Since the feckless appaRATchiks in washingtOOn plan to vote AGAIN on the disaster of a corpoRATe bailout as early as today, or perhaps tomorrow, I’m finally gonna post the following which has been postponed over the last several days due to the financial crisis. It speaks of something that may be the next big shock. I hope you’re ready…

Well Cricketeers, as the feckless appaRATchiks of the two parties of the apocalypse in washingtOOn are breaking their legs to trip the light fantastic and cut the rug in perfect unison to the tune of the corpoRATe welfare lemon socialist Brooklyn Bridge of a bailout plan. (I AM THE GRAND MASTER OF THE RUN ON SENTENCE!) The TAXPAYER REVOLT makes them think twice and reject the disaster of a plan for now. This bailout is not yet quite dead as the two parties of the apocalypse can’t afford to look economically impotent this close to the election! In the mean time, there is much more happening on the economic front. The next big specter looming over the economy is the ridiculously low level of national gasoline inventories! DAGNABIT! There is a gas bank run happening alright! Gas Lines are coming to an Empty Pump near YOU! This from cnnmoney:

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Gas shortages: get ready for more

The long lines and closed pumps seen across the South this week are a warning: inventories are way too low.

By Brian O’Keefe, senior editor
September 26, 2008

NEW YORK (Fortune) — While Congress and Bush administration officials have been working to complete a bailout plan and stem the financial contagion on Wall Street, a different kind of economic crisis emerged across the South this week: A severe, hurricane-related gasoline shortage has curtailed trucking from Atlanta to Asheville, N.C., and created a wave of panic buying among motorists.

The return of gas lines has largely flown under the radar of politicians who are usually keenly attuned, because their constituents are, to what’s going on at the pump. But more of the Capitol gang should be paying attention to this.

That’s because nationwide our gasoline inventory is shockingly low. Liquidity must be restored soon to this market, or we could be facing a crippling run on the gasoline bank. And if you think Americans are outraged about Wall Street, wait until their Main Street grocery store doesn’t get the bread and milk delivery for a week or two.

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SONOFABUSH! Along with the death of raygunomics, it looks like we will be returning to the 1970’s in more ways then one. IT LOOKS LIKE YOU WILL BE SPENDING SOME TIME ON GAS LINES SOON, SO BE READY!

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In its most recent Weekly Oil Data Review, Barclays Capital pointed out that the U.S. gasoline inventory has reached its lowest level since August 1967, when demand was a little more than half its current level of 9.3 million barrels a day. At 178.7 million barrels, inventories are 21.6 million barrels below their five-year average.

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Get your lava lamp and pet rock ready, because you’re gonna have to use pyramid power to run your urban assault vehicle suv’s and monster pick up trucks! BTW, running a car with an empty gas tank on pyramid power doesn’t work. Many nut jobs back in the 70’s tried a whole host of crazy things to keep their cars running on empty. There are again a growing number of screwball products being sold which claim to increase the gas mileage of YOUR gas guzzler. None of them work so save your money!

I LAUGH MY ASS OFF AS I WALK PAST THE GAS STATIONS!

I LIVE the answer to the problem of high gas prices and shortages! As a person who has never owned a car, and never will! I REALLY DO LAUGH MY ASS OFF AS I WALK PAST THE GAS STATIONS! I live in a small city of about 50,000 in upstate New York. This is not a pedestrian friendly city. In winter, all manner of idiots plow the snow from their driveways and parking lots right onto the sidewalk. Creating mountains of snow which block our sidewalks. Pedestrians ARE FORCED TO WALK IN THE STREET ALL WINTER LONG HERE!

All year round we pedestrians have to be on our guard that some idiot in a hurry, pulling out of a parking lot at a high rate of speed doesn’t run us down in an effort to speed on to the street at a high rate of speed to the next red light a block away! The same diligence must be exercised when a pedestrian attempts to safely cross a street here. The idiot motorheads making right on red turns will run a pedestrian down to get to that next red light a bit faster.

Our bus based public transportation system is good, when it’s running! It takes you anywhere you wanna go, until about 10pm in the evening when it completely shuts down till morning! That is so long as it’s not Sunday, when no buses run at all! I think it’s down right STUPID to have public transportation be anything less then a 24 hour operation. They don’t shut down the streets to auto traffic at 10pm and auto traffic continues all day Sunday!

I have written the last three paragraphs to indicate that I understand how hard it is for YOU car owning motorheads to give up the convenience afforded you by car ownership and instead turn to walking and public transport. But the benefits of giving up YOUR ADDICTION TO GASOLINE far outweigh the cost:

1) YOU get to laugh YOUR ASS OFF as you WALK PAST THE GAS STATION!

2) YOU get to shrug as the price of gas SKYROCKETS!

3) YOU will reduce YOUR weight and therefore YOUR RISK OF OBESITY RELATED ILLNESS! At the age of 50, I weigh the same as I did at age 18! That’s because I walk everywhere. I have no gym membership. I have no formal “exercise or diet program” I simply walk for transport and that is my exercise. IT MAKES NO DAMN SENSE TO DRIVE YOUR FAT ASS TO WEIGHT WATCHERS! Walk to the grocery store instead!

4) At slower walking speed YOU get to enjoy much more of the community in which YOU live. Fat assed gas addicted motorheads go whizzing by everything at BREAKNECK SPEED!

5) When YOU have to plan YOUR transportation on a pedestrian/public transportation time frame. YOU learn to prioritize which social events you attend. Far from limiting social contacts, it gives you a PERFECT EXCUSE FOR POLITELY DECLINING aunt mary’s weekly cheese log canasta tournament (sorry aunt mary, I can’t get there from here!)! This frees YOU up to instead spend that evening cuddled up on the couch with that hot little honey next door!

6) YOU get to spend all that money YOU now send to the thieving banks in car payments on other things! That’s several hundred dollars a month!

7) YOU get to spend all that money YOU now send to the thieving oil companies in payment for gas on other things! That’s another several hundred dollars a month!

8) YOU get to spend all that money YOU now send to the thieving insurance companies in on other things! YOU get the point right?

DID I MENTION YOU GET TO LAUGH YOUR ASS OFF AS YOU WALK PAST THE GAS STATIONS?

YOU have to understand that you gas addicted motorheads will get no relief from the feckless appaRATchik ethically challenged syphilitic co-joined twins of the apocalypse called mcbama.

IF YOU fall for the (loose) “change” poetics of obamessiah OR the chanted flag waving “country first” garth brooks mantra of the reverend mcPain. YOU WILL DOOM US ALL TO AT LEAST FOUR MORE YEARS OF OUR GOVERNMENT BEING BOUGHT AND PREYED FOR BY THE oil, auto, and all the other corpoRATe profiteers!

Support and vote NADER FOR REAL CHANGE!

VOTENADER.ORG

The Telepathic Crickets™ on the ClapSotronics editorial board and I are pleased as punch that the oil and gas gang may have burnt there own toast with GAS LINES AGAIN! If YOU GET MAD, THINGS BECOME BAD FOR THEM! Look at how the wall street bankers are reeling from the taxpayer delivered blow to the bailout! If we can do the same thing to the oil and gas gang, we can TAKE OUR ECONOMY BACK FROM THE corpoRATeers!

HEY, mcPain and nobama:
Open The Debates!

If YOU REALLY wanna know the TRUTH about the debate issue CLICK THIS LINK!

To take action on opening the debates to Independent and third party candidates CLICK THIS LINK!

Please send an email to janut janet brown the executive director of the “Commission on Presidential (non) Debates.” Below is the email I sent her. Feel free to use that one or write your own! Her email address is: jb@debates.org

Hi,

I know you and the rest of the feckless appaRATchicks in washingtOOn are busy trying to sell the Brooklyn Bridge of a corpoRATe bailout plan to us sucker taxpayers. But it would be really keen if you stopped for a second and understood that “debates” which include only the co-joined twins of the apocalypse called mcbama will amount to nothing more then the left ass cheek telling the right ass cheek that it smells bad.

After all, there is this thing called democratic process! I understand how inconvenient and annoying it can be for you in the CENSORSHIP industry, but some of us are really old fashioned and set in our ways.

We believe THAT ALL THE CANDIDATES ON THE BALLOT FOR ELECTION should be included in the debates.

This is not a request, but a demand!

I hope your 401k goes bust in the stock market crash…

I really do hope all the feckless appaRATchiks in washingtOOn lose their 401k’s in the market crash!

Don’t forget to stop by our satirical sister blog:

The Intergalactic Times

Make sure YOU WATCH THESE VIDEOS!

The scientifically impossible I do right away

The spiritually miraculous takes a bit longer

~ by ClapSo on October 1, 2008.

One Response to “Gas Lines and Empty Pumps pop up all over the Country!”

  1. I take a 1.5 hour buss commute every morning for 1 dollar. 😛 Also I have a GEO Tracker the best oil smoking POS car/thingy around and leave it resting all week. People wonder 1.5 hours of sleep & reading time whale trying to ignore the bus drama & such. But it is better. So I support public transit. Maby some more express ones thow would be nice. I also think birth control should be in a convenyent candy dish on the entrance of the bus. I am pro plan for the future. I plan by getting fixed!

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